When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
