dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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