We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
