is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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