Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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