On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
