Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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