When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
