Just fell off a train. Bad.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
