she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
