it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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