What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
