where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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