Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize