I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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