So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
