does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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