Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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