Please, let me fuck your mom
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize