This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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