D3 body, D1 cock
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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