they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
