I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
