i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
