if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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