Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
