And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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