Can Purell be used as lube?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
