I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
