I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
