One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
