I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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