so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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