Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
