Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
