I love having hate sex.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
