i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is it penis luge time yet?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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