She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
