I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
