He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
