Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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