Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
