so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
