You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
