I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
