I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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