What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
