ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
