im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
