dude i'm inner monologue high
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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