I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
His nipple licking is glorious
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