Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
