I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
