No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
