I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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