Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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