I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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