Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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