I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
