Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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