At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
