Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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