Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who died my cat blue again?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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