he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
