you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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