He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
