Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
