last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
