He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
