hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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