ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He better not be in your backpack
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
